What the hell is going on now?

I have no idea what the fuck is going on any more.

Actually got to spend time with her tonight. By 'time', I mean sitting on the couch next to her, watching Netflix as she worked on a quilt. Now, don't give me that look. I'm not condemning her for that. It was for her pregnant sister and she, like her mother, is very excited about the baby.

It was the feeling that unnerved me. It felt like I was sitting next to a friend instead of my girlfriend. Like, someone who is close but not THAT close. It was like sitting on the couch next to any other one of my friends... if I'd want to grab their face and kiss them. Okay, bad analogy. My point is, it felt off.

Then, when I started to leave, she gave me a kiss on the cheek. On the CHEEK. Have we regressed to when we first began dating?! What the fuck? Well, finally got an actual kiss but it was light, very quick. Very... off.

Shouldn't describe kisses. Let's leave that to the story writing. But I digress.

It's things like that (kisses on the cheek) that are unnerving. Makes me think I did something... Maybe I did do something. She has been acting weird every since Valentines Day. Shit, maybe I should have given her something more than just a necklace. No, what am I saying? Gifts don't matter, right?

Right?

Anyway. If I did do something, I don't know what it is. Maybe she really was freaked out when I told her I probably not 100% lesbian. I mean, that would freak anyone out, right? But, I told her that I'm not looking for anyone else. Or tried to anyway. I'm not sure how much got through to her. I try having a serious conversation and what do I get?

"Oh look at that old woman driving that gold mustang."

....

I didn't make that up, I swear. So, maybe she doesn't want to talk serious. I would say I'm fine with that but I'm not. We NEED to talk. We hardly talk at all as it is! The only time I ever hear from her is when I text HER. Could call but that would be just a two minute conversation. An awkward one. We can't even HOLD a proper conversation!

Oh God, what the hell is the matter with me? I feel like I may love this girl but I can't even talk to her? You're just messing with me, right? Teaching me a lesson about dating women? Ah, I see. Haha, I'm on to you, sneaky bastard!

... Probably shouldn't call God a bastard. Sorry about that.

I think, I'm going to do my History outline and go to bed. Tomorrow, I'm going to call Ally and see what she's doing. If not her than... well I guess I'm staying in my PJs all day again.

... God, I really suck.